We’re halfway through our Masturbation May series, so we thought it was time to introduce a partner to your pleasure sessions.
When we asked if you masturbate with a partner, 44% said occasionally, 13% said all the time and 35% responded that they want to!
At first, it can be intimidating to masturbate with or in front of a partner/lover. This typically private act is a sacred practice, choosing to reveal it to someone shows trust, vulnerability and beauty.
Masturbation has been shamed by society for a long time, and if you feel guilt when you pleasure yourself, you might want to work through this before introducing a partner. Conversely, masturbating in front of each other is a great way to normalise self-pleasure and stop the stigma.
Masturbating with someone can be a massive turn-on (59% of you agreed.) Other benefits include getting to know what your partner enjoys, feeling a deep connection to them, and no risk of pregnancy or STIs. Plus, it’s an excellent option for long-distance relationships.
Learning how your partner pleasures themselves will very likely lead to better sex. You're gifting each other instruction manuals for how to get off, which is especially useful if you’re having fun with a new partner.
Mutual masturbation can also be fantastic if one party isn’t up for penetrative sex but wants to be involved in the experience. Ask them to kiss, cuddle, stroke or do anything that will enhance your pleasure.
Our Guide To Mutual Masturbation:
1. Chat first.
Communication is vital, especially in the bedroom. Before you get off in front of each other, chat; it doesn’t have to be formal, but ensuring both parties are on the same page is crucial. You can even bring up this article to broach the topic. Say why you want to do it, i.e. because it’s hot, sexy and will bring you closer together. If they need to go away and think about it first, remember that’s perfectly fine - pressuring is a big no-no.
2. Action plan.
Once you have the green light, it’s time to decide how you want to introduce it. Do you want to masturbate together while you make out, or have one person masturbate while the other watches? Doing something new can be daunting and uncomfortable initially, so making each other as comfortable as possible is important.
If you’re the watching partner, try some simple reassurances:
“You look so hot when you do that”,
“I love watching you do this”,
And “I can’t wait to…”
3. Set the mood right.
Setting the mood right can also be a great way to relax into the experience - Think lingerie, candles, and a sexy playlist. Have anything you’ll need close by, like The Lubricants or perhaps the Luna or Aura, if you want to incorporate a pleasure wand/toy.
4. Have an open mind.
Be flexible with where the mutual masturbation may lead. Perhaps it’s an orgasm for one or both of you; maybe the session ends up being foreplay that leads to penetrative sex, or after several tries, you may decide it’s not for you. Remember, orgasm isn’t the goal; masturbating is about learning about each other and growing closer together.
5. Get out of your head and into your body.
It can be easy to worry about your appearance or get caught up with internal chatter. It can leave you feeling more isolated, so practice mindfulness by returning your mind to the present moment and attention to sensation. The Body Oil is designed to support you rest, receive and surrender to your sexual essence.
6. Have fun.
Most importantly, masturbating with a partner should be enjoyable! Once you have passed any nerves, get comfortable, confident and put on a show. Be proud of yourself for trying something new, connecting to your authentic sexual energy and engaging vulnerably with a partner.
We asked how you like to masturbate together; 20% said with pleasure wands or toys, 18% full frontal, 2% in front of the mirror, and 59% said lying side by side.
Here's some saucy ideas to incorporate into your mutual masturbation practice:
~ Lay side by side and make out while masturbating
~ Kneel in front of your partner and masturbate
~ Gaze at your partner in the mirror while they self-pleasure
~ Have your partner sit behind while you touch yourself and let them run their hands all over your body
~ Get your partner to put their hands over your hands during the act or let them control a pleasure wand or toy
~ Lots of eye contact, especially when you move closer towards climax
~ Get the sexual energy going with foreplay before you start masturbating
Interesting in levelling up your solo self-pleasure practice? Read Three Ways To Level Up Your Self-Pleasure Practice.