UNDER THE COVERS

Dive ‘Under The Covers’ with Yinn and friends in our series dedicated to exploring, honouring, and celebrating our intimate individualism. Together we discuss sexuality, self-love, culture, pleasure essentials, and so much more juicy goodness!

An interview with Somatic Sexologist Jordana Ezra who works predominantly with queer-bodied people to empower their sexual experiences. 

Q) Tell us a little about yourself and what you do. 

I am a queer human that deeply feels. Cancer sun Sag moon Aquarius rising - so I am pretty weird, I speak the language of emotions and I move through life with them as my compass. 

I am usually in love or heartbroken but over the last year I have really shifted my focus and I have been deeply immersing myself in the sacredness of being single. As a lesbian this feels significant and as a human it’s something I have never intentionally put my focus into. Its been profound, Like I have never known myself in this space of not pursuing anyone and also not grieving a breakup. 

I am so passionate about inclusivity, queer pleasure and queer bodied humans thriving outside of heteronormativity. This lead me to become a VITA certified Somatic Sexologist and now I work mainly with queer bodied humans to create safety within the intersections of their gender and sexuality so they can truly have an empowered queer experience.

I have a soft spot for baby gays or people at the start of their queer awakening and almost everything I create in centred around them owning this journey. 

 

Q) What are your pronouns, and how do you sexually identify?

Pronouns They/She. I identify most strongly as queer - but I definitely use gay and lesbian often (I love using both the labels.) 

Q) What does Pride mean to you? 

Personally Pride is celebration of the yes that I am for my own journey of queerness. It’s choosing myself beyond and despite compulsory heterosexuality. It’s an internal knowing that I am worthy within my unique intersections of gender and sexuality. Pride is a celebration of sovereignty beyond heteronormativity and I see it as a claiming of queer validity. 

Q) What is your favourite thing about Pride Month?

Unity for sure. Even though I truly believe that all intersections of gender and sexuality are valid and should always be celebrated, it’s so wonderful witnessing people from all sexual orientations rally for  a world of true equality. 

Q) Tell us about your sexuality journey and share your coming out story if applicable.

I always experienced attraction towards the same sex growing up. I had my first lesbian relationship when I was 17 but it was super secretive because I grew up in a Christian home and I didn't want to feel rejection from my parents. Growing up I was definitely taught that sex was sinful, pleasure was not allowed and being gay was a big no no. By the time I was 17 I had already suffered a lot within the realms of religious dogma. I would often be so scared by the thought that everyone in my family was going to heaven and I was going to hell that I begged god to be straight. The girl that I dated back then cheated on me and  I took it as a sign from god that the gay life was not for me. After that I did the heterosexual life for for 10 years and almost married  an incredible guy - I really thought I had buried my queerness but when my dad told me my partner at time had asked him for permission to marry me (lmao at my dad spilling the beans) I freaked out. I honestly didn't put it down to denying my truth - something just didn’t feel right and I felt an urge to be on my own.

 

Fast forward a year - one of my friends put it on me one night (by this stage I was already studying sexuality and was def known as the ‘experimental’ within my group of friends.) So my friend told me she wanted to explore with women and actually asked me if I would look at her pussy and say things to it… this lead to the most heart opening sex I had ever experienced and even though it was just this one time with this bestie - I couldnt deny that my body wanted to explore my queerness. My true owwwfff okay I am def gay moment was when I fell in love with the chef at a cafe that I worked at in Byron - this chemistry was unlike anything I had ever experienced. This was actually only about 4 years ago. I ended up telling my family that I was gay and honestly everyone was super chill and loving about it. By this stage they were truly used to me paving my own path and I had learnt that they would always love and celebrate me.

Q) How can we be better allies throughout the year, not just during Pride Month?

I think supporting queer owned businesses as well as being curious about the queer lived experience. I get that we don’t all have time to understand queer history but I think educating ourselves on pronouns, queer language and inclusivity is vital for a world that fully embraces the wide spectrum of sexual and gender identities.

Q) What was the main message about sex and sexuality that you received growing up?

I remember I asked my dad about sex when I was 5, he said it's for adults and by his tone I knew not to ask again. I asked my older sister who gave me the penis in vagina talk with all the hand gestures hahaha - to which I took to school (a christian school) and told my class about it haha (I guess I was always destined to be a sex educator.) The school called my parents, my sister got in so much trouble for telling me about sex and I was taught that sex is a big adult secret. In church I was taught that it was a sin to be homosexual and have sex before marriage. 

Q) If you had the chance, what would you tell your younger self about sex now? 

It’s so normal to be curious about sex and to feel attraction towards all genders. Getting to know your own pussy is what leads to amazing sex. You are going to be very gay and you will love it hahaha

Q) How important do you believe it is to embrace our sexuality? 

Extremely, I pushed mine down for so long and it deeply affected my sexual functioning. The internalised homophobia that resided in my body from my childhood manifested as shame, tension in my pelvis and a deep feeling of disgust. The shame and disgust was so bad when I was having sex that I often faked orgasms to escape it. The denial of my queerness is one of the most painful experiences of my life and it's actually what lead me to doing the work I do now. Integrating internalised homophobia and lovingly guiding all parts of me to embrace being gay has rippled into every area of my life. I was hiding for many years and coming out to myself has been life changing. 

Q) What do self-care and self-love look like for you?  

I am a pretty chaotic person - super emotional and often in need of different things. I have also really struggled with eating disorders and mental health so for me self care is time alone as often and whenever I need it. The ocean is where I feel the best so when its not freezing in Melbs I am usually in it. I do have a morning ritual and its usually based on how I am feeling and where I am at in my cycle. I make it up each week on a Sunday night and  really take into consideration me mental, physical and sexual needs. It's usually mirror work, self pleasure, walks, saunas and lots of future projecting with myself. 

The thing I am most consistent with when it comes to self love is mirror work and talking to myself in a loving way - being turned on by who I am and consistently affirming my existence. For self care, I eat pretty good and have a solid sleep routine but the ONE thing that is a non negotiable for me is no phone for the first 2 hours of the day. This has really helped with my mental health and I always give myself what I need before I am jumping into other peoples worlds. 

Q) What do you love about your body?

My underarm hair, my lips (both sets haha) my belly, my boobs… I actually really love my body. I defs go through cycles but I finally feel at age 33 all the self love/body image work I have done is sticking. 

Q) What are your top 3 pleasure essentials (tools, toys, resources etc)?

Music one hundred percent - the mood is everything for me 

A strap on - lol 

I recently got into smut and honestly I can not believe I didnt masturbate to that before - listening to a hot lesbian scene whilst I am out walking and basically running home to to fuck myself in front of the mirror is my new ritual 

A mirror (I know you said 3) but like ESSENTIAL. 

Q) What’s an unexpected moment that brought you pleasure this week? 

I had this moment this week when I was having coffee on my balcony and I realised I am literally living the life that I have been mapping out in my mind, manifesting in my journal and fantasising about. I felt like I was having an orgasm in my heart. It was a moment of contentment. 

Q) Favourite song to get you in the mood?

Oh god, just one. Im sweating under the pressure - like anything Snoh Alegrah. Im also a sad bitch - so I like fucking to lana del rey. If I had to just pick one though - BILLI BOSA NOVA by Billie Eilish.

Listen here on Youtube.

Q) Favourite ritual related to sex? 

Okay so my ultimate favourite thing to do when having sex with pussy owners is to affirm their pussy - really take the time to compliment it, truly look at it and actually say really beautiful things to it. I also love a debrief after - thats a huge part of sex for me and also I find it to be a really nourishing aftercare practice. 

Q) Where can people find you? What's the best way to buy your stuff/work with you?

Instagram: @thequeersexcoach_

Tik Tok: @thejordanaezra

Website: www.jordanaezra.com 

- Y x