UNDER THE COVERS
Dive ‘Under The Covers’ with Yinn and friends in our new series dedicated to exploring, honouring, and celebrating our intimate individualism. Together we discuss sexuality, self-love, culture, pleasure essentials, and so much more juicy goodness!
An interview with Women's Mentor & Writer Tara Bliss
ABOUT TARA
Tara is a potent mentor who creates immersive programs for powerful women creating extraordinary lives and businesses. Her mission is to guide women from the confines of imprinting through energy alchemy, coaching and ceremony. You can learn more about Tara via her Instagram.
Q) What was the main message about sex and sexuality that you received growing up?
Every message I received was subliminal; that you were either an enormous slut or a frigid tomboy who didn’t put out. It didn’t matter which way you sliced it, or which one you were, you were wrong for it. Also, that periods were gross and shameful and to be avoided and skipped (especially being an athlete).
I watched my parents separate when I was seven years old. My mother was only 27 at the time, so to witness her enter a season of discovery in this way was incredibly uncomfortable for me, and because of that I took provocation and seduction off the table when it came to my own identity. I didn’t want anything to do with it, and having shut those possibilities down, I found it incredibly difficult to relate to or express myself sexually until my early thirties!
I watched my parents separate when I was seven years old. My mother was only 27 at the time, so to witness her enter a season of discovery in this way was incredibly uncomfortable for me, and because of that I took provocation and seduction off the table when it came to my own identity. I didn’t want anything to do with it, and having shut those possibilities down, I found it incredibly difficult to relate to or express myself sexually until my early thirties!
Q) How did you begin to explore and establish your own beliefs around sex and sexuality?
This has been and remains an unravelling of a lifetime for me. Living, evolving, and maturing into womanhood through experience, through relationships where I hadn’t yet found or established my voice, and eventually connecting with desires that were hiding in the shadows. All of this continues to inform how I live, breathe, and walk with sexuality as an essence. I’ve needed to expand my own definition of this and the way I relate to this type of power. That it needn’t (for me) be overt, but rather something precious to be protected.
Q) If you had the chance, what would you tell your younger self about sex now?
Gosh, this is such an incredible question and now that I’m a mother it brings a whole new context as I imagine this conversation not just with Younger Tara, but also with my son Tarak. Imagine a generation of children shaped by the understanding of not just sex, but sexual energy as life force energy.
I would sit with her and celebrate her at Menarche. I’d share with her the power that she now has access to, how royal and regal this time in her life is, and the potential that this crossing into womanhood holds for her. I’d demonstrate and support Teenage Tara in finding her voice. The conversations around consent were non-existent when I was a teenager, so I’d encourage her on a path of discovery to explore her body, to journey with her desires and pleasure so that she can advocate for them and help to raise out the sacred masculine in her sexual partners.
I would sit with her and celebrate her at Menarche. I’d share with her the power that she now has access to, how royal and regal this time in her life is, and the potential that this crossing into womanhood holds for her. I’d demonstrate and support Teenage Tara in finding her voice. The conversations around consent were non-existent when I was a teenager, so I’d encourage her on a path of discovery to explore her body, to journey with her desires and pleasure so that she can advocate for them and help to raise out the sacred masculine in her sexual partners.
Q) How important do you believe it is to embrace our sexuality?
I believe it’s as important as we yearn for it to be and until we find a reason to embrace it many of us feel numb to its power. My longing to embrace more of my wholeness (which includes sexuality and sexual energy) emerged from gradually realising how disconnected I was from it and how un-embodied those qualities were. Sorrow lived there. When I realised there was so much more potential within the field of sex than simply ‘having sex,’ it was a gradual unravelling made safer by the potency of curiosity.
Curiosity softens the splat! that can accompany these deep dives, where we attempt to unearth unowned aspects of ourselves. Curiosity is the bridge from feeling so much scarcity, lack and dryness, to a willingness to step into the unknown and explore. Phew! It’s been huge for me. Heartbreaking and liberating and beautiful. And of course, it continues.
Curiosity softens the splat! that can accompany these deep dives, where we attempt to unearth unowned aspects of ourselves. Curiosity is the bridge from feeling so much scarcity, lack and dryness, to a willingness to step into the unknown and explore. Phew! It’s been huge for me. Heartbreaking and liberating and beautiful. And of course, it continues.
Q) What do self-care and self-love look like for you?
Self-care comprises acts that deeply support and nourish my human: taking solo time, immersing in the ocean, moving my body, hydrating, resting, self-pleasure, contained time with my Robb and my close girlfriends, and body-work sessions to keep my nervous system happy and restore yin.
Self-love comprises acts of grace that allow my spirit to rest easier: choosing into my worth, energy hygiene practices, clear and loving communication with my partner, being mentored, tending to my inner children, and trusting and moving in the direction of the vision I hold for my life despite having any proof.
Self-love comprises acts of grace that allow my spirit to rest easier: choosing into my worth, energy hygiene practices, clear and loving communication with my partner, being mentored, tending to my inner children, and trusting and moving in the direction of the vision I hold for my life despite having any proof.
Q) What do you love about your body?
I have beautifully broad shoulders, fucking awesome cheekbones, and a hotline of communication to my bodily sensations.
QUICK FIRE ROUND
Q) What are your top 3 pleasure essentials (tools, toys, resources etc)?
The first for me is music! I’m so sensitive, and if I find just the right beat, it speaks to my body and opens me, and I am ready! For solo self-pleasure: I love wands. And for that very special kind of every-morning, sensory beauty: I love a thick, creamy cacao. I can feel it in my bloodstream and the positive impact it has on my brain chemicals. Bathing in the afterglow of that for a few hours is gorgeous.
Q) What’s an unexpected moment that brought you pleasure this week?
My son is 15 months old and is just blowing my mind every single day with his delight and perfection! Every day comes with dozens of moments of spontaneous pleasure by simply witnessing him be and become as he finds his way in his small body in this world. Also, that pleasure and joy is doubled down for me when I witness my partner be moved by this as well. Seeing him go gooey for his son is indescribable to me.
Q) Favourite song to get you in the mood?
Hesitate - Golden Vessel
Q) Favourite ritual related to sex?
Anything that evokes anticipation. That sudden knowing and feeling that ‘Yes! This is happening tonight!’ I love feeling as though I might combust from the build-up of energy.