By Ruby Josif
Navigating conversations around casual sex can be a tricky thing that takes practice and time to build confidence with! Oftentimes open communication can feel the most challenging and vulnerable when we are in the early phases of getting to know someone new and we are still feeling each other out, wanting to make a good impression or simply just taking our time to open up.
Like all sexual experiences when we are feeling apprehensive, unsure, unclear or have questions that need answering or things that need to be expressed, it can make it really hard to feel present in our bodies and in our sexual experiences as these unknowns keep us in our head. That’s why having conversations to clear up any questions and express where you’re at, your needs, desires and boundaries are so important. It’s also important to be aware of where your lover is at too so you can both co-create the most nourishing and fulfilling sexual experiences together.
A great communication tool that you can use as a guide to cover off all bases, open up the conversation surrounding sex, pleasure and intimacy and build safety and trust, is the acronym RBDSM+N.
R stands for Relationship Status
B stands for Boundaries
D stands for Desires
S stands for Sexual Health
M stands for Meaning
N stands for Needs
Of course you don’t have to sit down and have a formal conversation from R through to N (however, if that’s your vibe, go for it!), you may just like to weave these topic points throughout smaller conversations when you’re chatting and getting to know each other or on dates.
Good luck loves!