UNDER THE COVERS

Dive ‘Under The Covers’ with Yinn and friends in our series dedicated to exploring, honouring, and celebrating our intimate individualism. Together we discuss sexuality, self-love, culture, pleasure essentials, and so much more juicy goodness!

An interview with Men's Sex Coach, Sexologist and Sexuality Educator Cam Fraser.

Q) Tell us a little bit about who you are. 

My name is Cam Fraser (he/him). I am a Men’s Sex Coach, Sexologist, and Sexuality Educator. I’m a cisgender, heterosexual, white man. Regarding identity, I quite like the phrase “straight, but not narrow.”

Q) Where can people find you? 

Website: www.cam-fraser.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecamfraser/

Q) What inspired you to become a Men's Sex Coach? 

Since early adolescence, I’ve been interested in sex both experientially and academically. As a young man, I also had my fair share of sexual difficulties, including performance anxiety, insecurity about my masculinity, premature ejaculation, and erectile dysfunction. To cope with this, I watched a lot of porn and drank a lot of alcohol, which gave me the courage to be sexual but also exacerbated my sexual dysfunctions, leading to a period of 4 years where I didn’t once have sex while I was sober. I compensated for my lack of sexual confidence by reading books about sex, amassing a small collection of books that my friends would occasionally borrow.

The biggest personal transformation for me happened when I seriously injured my lower back and had to do rehabilitation, which included clinical pilates, Yoga, and massage. These modalities introduced me to meditation, breathwork, Tantra, and the sacred sexuality community. In conjunction with this, in my early twenties I also started working with a therapist. Because of all the work I was doing both mentally and physically, I noticed some dramatic shifts in my mental health and physical health, which ultimately resulted in me feeling much more confident as a young man and also competent as a sexual partner. This personal transformation inspired me to share with other men the importance of taking care of their mental, physical, and sexual health.

 

Q) Tell us about your business journey. How was your coaching business birthed, and where is it headed? 

I studied psychology in university and planned to become a clinical psychologist. In pursuing this, I got a degree in counseling and began working with clients. Pretty quickly, I realized how much I enjoy the one-on-one environment. Because I was comfortable asking about sexuality and relationships, my clients were able to speak about these things in a space free of judgment and shame. I saw how valuable this was for my clients, so I decided to formally study human sexuality with a degree in sexology.

This academic background in sexuality coupled with my experiences teaching Tantric Yoga in the sacred sexuality community as well as my own personal transformation helped me realize that I wanted to focus more on the practical aspects of sex education, offering advice, guidance, and suggestions for better sex. So, I transitioned from counseling and a path to clinical psychology to coaching and educating, setting up my own sex coaching business and moving online to work with people all over the world. In addition to working with clients, I now train other people to become sex coaches and consult with colleagues about how to better serve their male clients.

Q) What is your favourite part about your job and why?

My favourite part about my job is seeing the changes in my clients’ lives. I work with men who experience a range of difficulties, which impact their relationship with their own bodies as well as their relationship with their partners. When they’re able to better navigate or move past their difficulties, these men not only feel more confident in themselves but also more connected with their partners. It changes the way they show up in their relationship and many of these men become advocates for sex- and pleasure-positivity among their male friends. It is such an honour to be a part of their journeys.

 

Q) What was the main message about sex and sexuality that you received growing up?

I don’t remember any explicit conversations about sex before I became a teenager. As a teenage boy, I received the messaging that sex was about quantity not quality. The phrase that comes to mind about this time of my life is, “Every hole is a goal.” I was a high school and collegiate athlete, so I spent a lot of time in locker rooms where conversations about sex were framed as stories of conquest. While these conversations never felt good to me as an adolescent, I still participated in them because I wanted to fit in. I was afraid of being bullied or ostracized if I didn’t adhere to this display of machismo. Going through a personal transformation in my late teens and early twenties, facilitated by a therapist and other practitioners, I began to push back against this rhetoric and speak up in these locker room scenarios. Rather than following the stereotypical masculine script that sex is about notches on a bedpost, I began to understand that sex is about mutual pleasure, consent, curiosity, and shared intimacy.

 

Q) How did you begin exploring and establishing your beliefs around this topic?

It began with the books I was reading about sex as a way to compensate for my lack of confidence as a man and a sexual partner. I read books about sexual techniques because I had intense performance anxiety. As I was introduced to pilates, Yoga, Neo-Tantra, and ultimately the sacred sexuality community, I learned about the more spiritual and esoteric side of sex. Then, studying human sexuality academically via a university degree more broadly informed my beliefs around sex, pleasure, and masculinity. 

Q) If you had the chance, what would you tell your younger self about sex now?

Firstly, I would tell him to not rely so heavily on alcohol to express his sexuality. Beyond that, I would encourage him to think less about what sex looks like and put more attention on what sex feels like for both him and his partners.

 

Q) How important do you believe it is to embrace our sexuality?

I believe it is very important. I believe that sexuality is inextricably linked to who we are as a human being. If there is this part of ourselves - our sexuality - which we have shame about, then I believe this will negatively impact our overall sense of self. I am of the opinion that embracing our sexuality is essential for better understanding and having compassion for ourselves, which we can eventually project outward to connect with and embrace others.

  

Q) What do self-care and self-love look like for you? 

At the moment, self-care looks like going to the gym and attending pilates classes regularly. For me, self-love looks like eating the foods that I enjoy without feeling guilty for doing so. I also want to share that self-pleasure (which is part of my self-care and self-love) looks like setting aside time to be with the erotic sensations in my body.
 

Q) What do you love about your body?

I am grateful that my body is able to move the way it does and I can experience it getting stronger and more flexible as I continue going to the gym and attending pilates classes.

Q) What are your top 3 pleasure essentials (tools, toys, resources etc)?

1. The Water Based Lubricant
2. A wand vibrator
3. A bluetooth speaker and a playlist (Check out Yinn's Spotify playlists) 

Q) Favourite song to get you in the mood? 

"Gangsta" by Kehlani

Q) Do you have any particular people in your life who inspire you to be a sexually empowered person?

I love the concept of sexual role models. Two people who I consider role models are Court Vox and Seani Love.

 

Enjoyed this article? Check out Under The Covers with Ruby Josif.